Relationships: Is Your Emotional State Controlled By Other People's Moods?

As to whether or not it is a good idea for someone to go along with another person's emotional state can all depend on what state they are in. If this person is happy, embracing the same state is likely to have a positive effect on ones well being.

On the other hand, if this person is angry or even miserable, embracing this state is unlikely to do them any good. There are then going to be times when it will be a good idea for one to allow their emotional state to mimic another person's emotional state and times when it won't.

Emotional Contagion

However, even though this is the case, one may find that there are times when they are unable to control how they feel. Ergo, irrespective of what is going on for another person, they will end up being drawn in.

This is not going to be a problem if another person is in a good place, but it will be if they are not. When it comes to the latter, it might be necessary for one to get away from the other person.

A Time and A Place

This doesn't mean that one should get away from someone if they are going through a tough time. The reason for this is that there will be times when another person won't be in a good way and it will be a good idea for them to offer their support.

Someone in this person's life may have passed on, putting them in a very low place. Ones mood can then drop during this time, but shortly after their time together has come to an end, it should return to how it was.

Boundaries

Undoubtedly, having the ability to connect to another person's mood is going to have a positive effect on their relationships. At the same time, being able to maintain their state will also allow them to act like an individual.

If they didn't have this ability, they would end up acting as though they were simply an extension of other people. Instead of being able to assert themselves, they would be at the whim of other people's moods.

The Truth

Just because someone else is not in a good place or is very angry, for instance, it doesn't mean that one should join them. Ultimately, there is no need for them to feel responsible for what another person is going through; that is, of course, unless they have played a part in what is going on for them.

And if the other person takes responsibility for what they are going through, they won't expect one to act like they have played a part. This can show that the other person also has well defined boundaries.

A Different Reality

Not everyone is going to be able to relate to this, which means that there will be people that find it hard to maintain their emotional state around others. Thus, instead of being able to act like an individual, they can act as though they are just an extension of others.

If they are able to maintain their emotional state, it may only be due to the fact that another person's emotional state is the same. The other person will provide them with the permission that they need in order to experience the same feelings.

Walking On Egg Shells

Love Is Not

Valentine's week is focused on multiple ways of showing others that one cares for or is in love with them. Hearts, flowers, candy and trinkets are given as symbols of devotion but not all are done with the right motives or with healthy commitment.

We all think that we know what love is but then act in ways that do not match our words. Here are some of things to consider:

Love is not:

1. Giving someone everything that they want because by doing so you believe they will change for good. Frequently clients have told me that they felt giving money to wayward teens would encourage them to come home. Not! People usually do what they want and cannot be bribed or coerced into doing what others want.
2. Ignoring issues and crossing fingers that they will resolve themselves. Not talking means not dealing with things and past behaviors are usually a predictor of future behaviours. Wishing and hoping isn't the same as resolving.
3. Accepting abusive behaviors. We teach people how to treat us. If you have been abused and you accept a hurried insincere apology you will likely become caught in a cycle of abuse followed by apology followed by abuse.
4. Time served. Just because you have been in relationship with someone for a period of time doesn't mean that you are healthy, safe or secure.
5. Keeping secrets. The underlying foundation of trouble is built with dishonesty and hidden actions. If you need to keep something secret that means that deep down you already know that you are up to "no good".
6. Blaming others rather than facing your own failings. Most people do not want to look in a mirror that shows their own flaws. Instead they point the finger and distract the conversation by focusing on another person.
7. Demanding information about private matters. When adult children want to know details about the will of their aging parents, they can present as entitled and inappropriate. An attitude of "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too" can destroy relationships!
8. Vengeance for past hurts or failures. Hurting others is not a good response for those who have been hurt. Focus on healing instead of on trying to get even.
9. Enabling. There is a show on television that shows individuals who weigh over 600 pounds. Those who purchase the food for the one who becomes immobile or bed-ridden end up having to care for the obese person. When you enable someone, both of you pay a price for this.
10. Playing games with emotions. Sweet talk, false promises and cheating can be very hurtful. Stop it!

When it comes to being a Valentine it is important not just to think about the other person. Instead examine when and how you show your love. Are your words and actions healthy or are you in an acting role that considers only your own selfish needs and wants?