Dating: Is It A Bad Idea To Have Sex On The First Date?

Many, many years ago, sex was something that people would typically have if they wanted children. Nowadays, it is something that lot of people have if they want to experience pleasure. 

In the past, then, it was generally seen as having one purpose and in the present, it is generally seen as having another. Now, while there were people in the past who did have sex for other reasons, there is no denying how different it is today. 

Separated 

If it wasn't for the contraceptive pill, it is highly unlikely that sex would be seen in the same way as it is often seen today. 

Naturally, this has lowered the risk of a woman getting pregnant, thereby making it possible for her to have sex without needing to worry about what will happen after. Along with this, a man can use a condom to stop his sperm from causing any problems. 

So, in the same way that someone might have a piece of chocolate to experience pleasure, they can also have sex to achieve the same outcome. It's Just Sex Unlike most of their ancestors, this could be the only thing they know. 

Therefore, if they were to hear about how, in the past, people typically had sex to procreate, they may find it amusing. In their eyes, sex could be seen as something that is there to be enjoyed; only having it to create a child is not going make any sense. And, as sex is something that can be extremely enjoyable, 

Relationships: Can Someone's Need To Save Others Have A Negative Effect On Their Relationships?

If someone was to hear that their friend is going through a tough time, they could give them a call or go to see them. No matter what they do, this could still be a time when they will listen to what they have to say and offer their support.

Conversely, if they are in a relationship and their partner is going through a challenging time, they could also respond in a similar manner. In both cases, one is not going to try to take charge or to take responsibility for what another person is going through.

Boundaries

Consequently, it could be said that they will have a clear idea of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. This will be what stops them from trying to walk over another person and acting as though they are responsible for them.

Thanks to this, the other person won't feel as though they are being violated in any way. This can then allow them to feel as though one respects them and sees them as being capable of handling their own challenges.

In Balance

What this can also do is stop one from creating relationships where they are more like a parent than a friend/partner. Furthermore, this will stop from being in a position where they are constantly giving, only to receive very little in return.

There will then be moments when they give and there will be moments when they receive. And as they are not a parent and have their own needs to fulfil, this will stop them from running on empty.

The Right Setting

One will then be able to open about what is taking place for them without needing to worry about if their friend/partner will try to rescue them, and the people in their life will also be able to open up without them having to worry about if one will try to rescue them. There will be no need for any of them to play a role and to hide who they are.

Said another way, one, along with the people in their life, will be able to show up. This will allow one to feel connected to these people and for these people to feel connected to them.

A Different Scenario

If someone else was to hear about what a friend is going through, they could take radically different approach. Once they speak to them on the prone or see them in person, they could soon tell them what they need to do.

Regardless of what they are going through, it can be as if they are not up to the task of sorting themselves out. One is then not going to believe that they are doing anything wrong; they will simply be helping them out.

Another Context

If they are in a relationship, and their partner is going through a tough time, the same thing could take place. Simply being there for their partner and allowing them to deal with something is not going to be an option.

In each relationship that they have been in, they may have behaved in the same way. In fact, one may have been this way for as long as they can remember, which could mean that one is not even aware of what they are doing and the effect that it is having.

No Boundaries

So irrespective of whether it comes to how they behave around a friend or their partner - that's if they have one - it can be normal for another person to feel violated by them. There is the chance that one doesn't know where they begin and end, or where other people begin and end.

This is then why they feel responsible for what other people go through and basically walk over them. One can believe that if they don't resolve what another person is going through, they won't be able to overcome what they are going through.

Out of Balance

One is then going to be like parental figure, while the people in their life will be like incapable children. This doesn't mean that one will consciously see other people in this way, but if they were to take a step back, it might become clear.

Another consequence of behaving in this way is that one will give a lot, yet they are unlikely to receive much in return. They could play the role of someone who is strong and doesn't need anything - a role that will most likely prevent them from being able to experience true intimacy.

Self-Neglect

And through spending so much time trying to fix others, they can spend very little time taking care of their own needs. On the surface they can come across as someone who is always happy to help, but underneath this image can be a lot of anger and resentment.

However, the only way that they will change how they feel is if they no longer behave in this manner. For one thing, they are going to need to stop acting like a parent and as though it is up to them to solve everyone else's problems, and to let go of the role they play and to get in touch with their true-self.

What's going on?

If they were to let go of this role, what they may find is that they are carrying a lot of shame. Trying to fix or rescue others is then going to be a way for them to try to avoid themselves.

With this in mind, focusing on what is going on 'out there' won't change what is taking place within them. For their behavior to change and for them to reveal who they are, they will need to heal the wounds that are within them.

Awareness

The reason why they are carrying so much shame and don't feel comfortable with their own needs can be due to what took place during their early years. The years will have passed but the pain that they experienced will still be inside them.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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Relationships: Is Your Emotional State Controlled By Other People's Moods?

As to whether or not it is a good idea for someone to go along with another person's emotional state can all depend on what state they are in. If this person is happy, embracing the same state is likely to have a positive effect on ones well being.

On the other hand, if this person is angry or even miserable, embracing this state is unlikely to do them any good. There are then going to be times when it will be a good idea for one to allow their emotional state to mimic another person's emotional state and times when it won't.

Emotional Contagion

However, even though this is the case, one may find that there are times when they are unable to control how they feel. Ergo, irrespective of what is going on for another person, they will end up being drawn in.

This is not going to be a problem if another person is in a good place, but it will be if they are not. When it comes to the latter, it might be necessary for one to get away from the other person.

A Time and A Place

This doesn't mean that one should get away from someone if they are going through a tough time. The reason for this is that there will be times when another person won't be in a good way and it will be a good idea for them to offer their support.

Someone in this person's life may have passed on, putting them in a very low place. Ones mood can then drop during this time, but shortly after their time together has come to an end, it should return to how it was.

Boundaries

Undoubtedly, having the ability to connect to another person's mood is going to have a positive effect on their relationships. At the same time, being able to maintain their state will also allow them to act like an individual.

If they didn't have this ability, they would end up acting as though they were simply an extension of other people. Instead of being able to assert themselves, they would be at the whim of other people's moods.

The Truth

Just because someone else is not in a good place or is very angry, for instance, it doesn't mean that one should join them. Ultimately, there is no need for them to feel responsible for what another person is going through; that is, of course, unless they have played a part in what is going on for them.

And if the other person takes responsibility for what they are going through, they won't expect one to act like they have played a part. This can show that the other person also has well defined boundaries.

A Different Reality

Not everyone is going to be able to relate to this, which means that there will be people that find it hard to maintain their emotional state around others. Thus, instead of being able to act like an individual, they can act as though they are just an extension of others.

If they are able to maintain their emotional state, it may only be due to the fact that another person's emotional state is the same. The other person will provide them with the permission that they need in order to experience the same feelings.

Walking On Egg Shells

Love Is Not

Valentine's week is focused on multiple ways of showing others that one cares for or is in love with them. Hearts, flowers, candy and trinkets are given as symbols of devotion but not all are done with the right motives or with healthy commitment.

We all think that we know what love is but then act in ways that do not match our words. Here are some of things to consider:

Love is not:

1. Giving someone everything that they want because by doing so you believe they will change for good. Frequently clients have told me that they felt giving money to wayward teens would encourage them to come home. Not! People usually do what they want and cannot be bribed or coerced into doing what others want.
2. Ignoring issues and crossing fingers that they will resolve themselves. Not talking means not dealing with things and past behaviors are usually a predictor of future behaviours. Wishing and hoping isn't the same as resolving.
3. Accepting abusive behaviors. We teach people how to treat us. If you have been abused and you accept a hurried insincere apology you will likely become caught in a cycle of abuse followed by apology followed by abuse.
4. Time served. Just because you have been in relationship with someone for a period of time doesn't mean that you are healthy, safe or secure.
5. Keeping secrets. The underlying foundation of trouble is built with dishonesty and hidden actions. If you need to keep something secret that means that deep down you already know that you are up to "no good".
6. Blaming others rather than facing your own failings. Most people do not want to look in a mirror that shows their own flaws. Instead they point the finger and distract the conversation by focusing on another person.
7. Demanding information about private matters. When adult children want to know details about the will of their aging parents, they can present as entitled and inappropriate. An attitude of "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too" can destroy relationships!
8. Vengeance for past hurts or failures. Hurting others is not a good response for those who have been hurt. Focus on healing instead of on trying to get even.
9. Enabling. There is a show on television that shows individuals who weigh over 600 pounds. Those who purchase the food for the one who becomes immobile or bed-ridden end up having to care for the obese person. When you enable someone, both of you pay a price for this.
10. Playing games with emotions. Sweet talk, false promises and cheating can be very hurtful. Stop it!

When it comes to being a Valentine it is important not just to think about the other person. Instead examine when and how you show your love. Are your words and actions healthy or are you in an acting role that considers only your own selfish needs and wants?